Texas: Land of Snakes and Scorpions

A friend’s daughter who lives in Chicago is considering attending a Texas college. What is most appealing to her is (a) the warm weather and (b) the many great schools here that offer programs that interest her. However, she has some concerns about living in Texas, those being the snakes and scorpions. That got me to wonder, is that really such a strong perception that people have about Texas? It is not our beaches, our wide-open spaces, all the horses and cattle, The Alamo, etc. Of all the Texian things we have to offer, is it the snakes and scorpions that have made the strongest impression on outsiders?

Of course, snakes and scorpions can be found here. But for most of us, it’s a rare interaction that we have with those little suckers. And truth be told, I think the snakes are okay. I have an understanding with them. None are allowed in or near the house itself. If they are found near the house but are nonpoisonous, I will attempt to talk sense to them and try to relocate them elsewhere. There are certainly enough woods around here for them to frolic without taking up residence in my house. Sometimes my attempts to relocate have not been successful. There was a particularly aggressive coachwhip who really wanted to stay inside. It ended badly for him, but at least I tried.

On the other hand, we have a no-tolerance policy regarding poisonous snakes near the house. But as I said earlier, I rarely see any snakes anyway. The outdoor cats and the coons do a pretty good job keeping the snakes away from the house.

Scorpions are always fair game to me. Anytime I spot a scorpion, it is on. I’ve been stung enough times that, I must admit, at this point I get a little pleasure out of exacting some revenge. They’ve stung me in some vulnerable spots and have shown no mercy.

During my most recent scorpion encounter, I spotted one of the little guys in the house. I explained to it that it had crossed a boundary, while at the same time I put my hand in a nearby shoe and was getting ready to pounce. That’s when I felt little pinpricks and the heat swelling up in my hand. His buddy was lying in wait in the shoe, stinger at the ready. Ultimately, victory was mine and they are now both in Scorpion heaven.

Yes, I see these things as a nuisance but not really a problem. A few days ago, I heard someone describe Arizona using exactly the same terms, “snakes” and “scorpions.” So, it isn’t even a description that is exclusive to Texas. What a rip! If that is to be us, then let’s own it.

Then I started thinking about how people might describe Chicago, or Illinois to be more precise. I know from their license plates that it is the “Land of Lincoln.” Having visited there several times, I think of a chill in the air, and yes very windy. And Chicago is indeed very crowded. But I also can identify with their comedy scene which has produced so many great comics, and a particular style of blues music that is played there. However fair or unfair to Chicago, I imagine a description including “cold” and “crowded” would be the adjectives most popular among our populace.

So, we Texans live with a reputation that includes snakes and scorpions. Oh well, it only stings a little.

Johnny McNally is Grimes County’s Best Dressed Businessman advocating for Grimes County.